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Problem with my sexuality PLZ HELP!!!?
hi there here is my problem im a 19 yr old male and im soooo confused i really am. ill start like this, ever sinc i can remember, as young as like 8 i have always been attracted to girls and i have never questioned that, but when i hit 11 i masterbated over this girl on the interent only to find out she was a shemale afterwards, soo i contineud to masterbate over this shemale and it became a fetish of mine but i never thought anything of it as i was soo young and ive NEVER been attracted to men, but this year i had a panic attack and from this i developed ocd, i have also got ROCD (relationship ocd), and because of this the thought entered my mind whilst i was masterbating "hold on this is sort of a dude" i realised his aint normal and then got soo worked up i had a panic attack. and i have been obsessing that im gay for about a year now since ocd came along, this has got me soo depressed now, and its ruining my relationship with my girlfriend of 2yr as he stress of wurrying aout this means sometimes i cant get an errection in bed, so as you can imagine i paniked again. because of all this im luking at guys in the street thinking he is attractive and it scares the **** out of me, SO i decided to test myself and wached gay porn. i got no errection, so that cured me for a while untill the ocd came back so i decided to think of me having gay sex with another man and i got an errection which scared the shite outa me even more, it felt arouing but i didnt want the thought no offence to gay people but i find it descusting, i also get an errection when i see a penis because it reminds me of shemales, but i hate this, once when i was masterbating i started crying during cos i was descusted at myself and then punched me self in the penis quite hard (hurt) but thats the pure stress of the situation, it has got me dramatically depressed, also considering i have a masterbation addiction its hard to stop wanking over them...i just really need help and for someone to tell me your not gay, its just your ocd, its like a war between me n my penis and my thoughts, and i am going to win even if i havet o fight this thing to the grave. i know ill never do anything sexual with a man im just sick of thinking about it (especially the errection part). i mean sometimes if i talk i wunder if it sounds gay or not so ill cough deep and say something else dead manly (obssesion) so plz i beg any of you people to help me, sorry about the long post but i will gladly appriciate any replys THANX!!!

p.s. i apologise for using the term shemale instead of the correct term, i mean no offece by this, its just habbit, thanx
Ok, slow down, take a deep breath, and chill out. Our society really enjoys labels, which makes sense, because they make communication much easier, as long as somebody fits inside of one of those labels. The thing is, when you really look at it, most people don't fit cleanly into the categories of gay, straight or bi, and neither do you.

Here's the first thing you should know: It is entirely possible to be aroused by the thought of gay sex without being gay or somebody who would enjoy sex with a man at all. It's possible that the thoughts remind you of that shemale, or that some part of you in the back of your mind enjoys how taboo it is, even though that causes you so much grief.

That's one possibility, and the one you probably will like the most, however you could be attracted to men, or shemales, or both, in addition to being attracted to women. If that's the case, so what? I understand that the thought of being attracted to men disgusts you, and maybe that has a lot to do with the OCD, but it's the twenty-first century and most American's agree there is nothing morally wrong about it at all. That being said, changing how you feel is often incredibly hard, but that's what you need to do. You need to accept that you are an awesome, wonderful, loved person regardless of who you happen to be attracted to. You need to do this both for your own sanity and for the sake of your relationship.

I recommend you see a therapist to help you with that. If you go to a college or university, they probably provide free psychological services, otherwise, if you can't afford a therapist, I would look up some local lgbtq hotlines to call, as they may be a good place to start (better than Y!A at least).

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